The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Mind

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).

B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to exceptionally difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, well-being, nearness, and love .

However when problems emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that much of his customers have actually fallen into the check Sex Trap.

" For gay men especially in urbane areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay males want to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

Nonetheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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